


Sonder

by asmolguavafruit, m0thmansgf



Category: Kylo Ren - Fandom, Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, ben solo - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amnesia, Angst, Angst and Romance, Ben Solo - Freeform, Bisexual Female Character, Blood and Violence, Dark, Denial of Feelings, Dominant Kylo Ren, Fanfiction, Female Characters, Female Main Character(s), Flashbacks, Force Sensitivity, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kidnapping, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren x Original Character(s), Kylo x OC - Freeform, Lightside vs Darkside, Love Triangle, Multi, Orginal Female Characters - Freeform, Post-Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Resistance, Romance, Slow Burn, Smutt, Star Wars - Freeform, Star Wars Fanfiction, Star Wars Sequel Universe, Strong Female Characters, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, The First Order, The Force, mature - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:53:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25856194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asmolguavafruit/pseuds/asmolguavafruit, https://archiveofourown.org/users/m0thmansgf/pseuds/m0thmansgf
Summary: Raina and Vera, both children from Tatooine separated only by a year, used to play together while both suns set on the horizon. Separated by circumstance now on opposite sides on the universe, both fall onto different sides of the force. Vera accepting her inner darkness, and Raina forgetting she had this power in the first place. Now both women have grown and become powerful, colliding into the current time as the First Order enter both of their lives, one by choice and one against her will. The two are left grappling with Kylo’s massive ego, his affections for both of them, and the pull to the dark... Will Kylo take Raina's hand guiding his way back to the light, or will he rule with his empress of the night Vera?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	1. Before the Suns Set

**Author's Note:**

> This story is Co-written and produced by Me (asmolguavafruit) and m0thmansgf, we've put so much time into this idea and character building from both of our original characters. We really hope that you love reading it and enjoy the plot and the slow burn between the three characters! -Guava

**Sonder** : ( _neologism_ ) The profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passed in the street, has a life as complex as one's own, which they are constantly living despite one's personal lack of awareness of it.

* * *

Vera ran through the marketplace of Tatooine, shoving random people aside hearing them fall to the ground as she jumped over their bodies. She stops catching her breath not being able to hear the pounding of the ruffian's feet behind her over her heartbeat pounding in her ears.

"There she is!" Vera's head snaps behind her, catching the eyes of three angry merchants gaining momentum fast. She scans the area seeing a cluttered alleyway to the left, she watched them get close and darts into the alleyway ripping the clothes out of her way and kicking the boxes in the middle of the alley. She hops from box to box her breath quick and panicked, a scream fills the air as Vera feels a sharp pain in her leg. Vera falls from the air still screaming as she wraps her hands around the dagger in her calf.

"We got you now little sand snake." The men chuckle darkly as they walk up to vera writhing in pain, tears streaming down her face, screaming for help. One of the men brings out his machete holding it pointing toward her. "Shut your annoying ass up or else I'll cut your tongue out!" Vera bites her bottom lip attempting to smother her cries. The men begin to crowd around her in a half-circle. Vera squeezes her eyes trying to push away the tears, her body trembles with fear thinking she is about to die. She's come so close so many times before she hadn't ever thought that she would get killed anytime soon.

"What do you suggest we do with her boys?"

"Kill this thief! She doesn't deserve to live!" One of the men spit on vera, she flinches as his warm thick spit hits her face.

"I say we keep her." The man who appears to be the leader of this group walks toward Vera slowly, a wicked smile now on his face. "Then we kill her family. And then." he looks at vera up and down licking his lips, she squeaks as she feels a calloused hand grip her chin and squeeze her cheeks together. Her sobs quiet in his hand. "We can keep the little snake and play with her." The dark-haired man holding her chin throws her to the ground again, her sobs are now able to be heard. He backs away laughing loudly with his two friends practically devouring Vera with their eyes. The dark-haired man turns to face vera again, her heart beating so loud she can't hear anything anymore.

Her vision blurs as she watches the three men now striding toward her. Crying so hard she can't feel her limbs knowing what's to come next. She closes her eyes again feeling a sensation in her stomach. The feeling deep within her strong and powerful. The ponding of feet radiating from the ground into her limbs, she throws her hand out toward the merchants screaming at the top of her lungs.

"NO!" The world slows around Vera, hearing her heartbeat in her ears now slow and the wind whistling in her ears now stopped. Vera's eyebrows furrow feeling the vibrations of feet go from what sounds like a stampede to three solid thuds...and then nothing. Until a jolt of something firm hits her palm, her hand closing around it snapping her eyes open watching as everything now feels normal again. Vera looks at her hand her body shaking and a strangled scream comes from her throat, a bloody machete now enclosed in her palm. And the bodies of the three men now collapsed on the floor.

Vera chucks the machete to where the men's bodies are their blood pooling on the floor, and a deep gouge in their throats. She scrambles to her feet heaving desperately trying to control her breathing. A scream ripped through the air as Vera saw two children run into the alleyway chasing after a bird or some other animal. Vera looks at her herself, blood that wasn't her own stained her clothes. Her now pale skin, pink blood dripping off her hands.

"I-I got to get out of here. Home I need to go home, no I can't go home those kids think I murdered those men." Vera ran out the alley hiding behind every merchant box until the open sand dunes were visible. She stops halfway to her village staring out from the dune above it, she hunches over feeling nausea in her stomach. She knew she couldn't go home, her host family would turn her in and have her executed. A killer, a murderer. Thoughts racing through her mind, she threw her hands into her hair gripping as she knelt to the ground. "NO! I'm not a killer! It wasn't me! It wasn't me!" She sobbed into her knees still on the sand dune above her village on Tatooine.

She felt it again, the blurring of the view in front of her, how the Tatooine winds came to a slow whisper in her ears. She raised her head to look out, her eyes widened as she saw the sand around her floating mid-air. "I...I have the force..." Vera took a slow breath staring out into the distance as the first sun began to set on Tatooine. She stood up and she watched the sand still float around her, taking her hand and waving it in front of her past her face the sand dropped and the wind blew in her ears once more. The force was inside of her, and it protected her when she needed it most. Vera felt tears well up in her eyes, she knew what the force was the lore and the Jedi that came with it.

"I can never go home now." Vera wiped her tears from her face, growing stronger by the second. She was building up her walls again, fortifying them. She had to now, she knew she was a danger to anyone and everyone around her. She couldn't trust anyone anymore.

Vera waited until dark to head to her host home, and sunk into the house will little noise. Tinkering around with how the force could help her. She unlocked doors and opened things with just a flick of her palm or a solid thought in her mind. She loved feeling this power over others, her whole life she had felt so helpless and was treated as such. Deep down she was angry because of it. Vera dung into her host family's minds without a second thought, searching for information about where they kept all of the money she stole for them, the passcode to the ship they had traded things for. Taking everything she had ever given them away in a second, Vera grabbed her clothes and stormed to the ship.

Taking one last look at the second Tatooine sun as it set, she started up the ship and fled from everything she ever knew. She had a new life waiting for her somewhere else.

"Jakku...the planet of nowhere."

Vera shot into light speed, her skin still stained with the blood of those men. And her soul now stained with the growing darkness inside her.

* * *

Fire. All consuming flames. The smoke stings the young girl’s eyes, sets her lungs ablaze-- it is quite clear that she will be dead soon enough. Bodies litter the grounds around her, all long gone and soon she will join them.

She awakens with a jolt, in a state of panic. There’s is wires connected to her, everywhere. Surrounding machines monitor all vitals. Her panicked state leads for them to beep uncontrollably. The bright white of the walls and ceiling cause her to squint, having not been opened and used to light for several weeks. As her surroundings come slowly into focus, she’s able to see that she is situated in a bed, in a medbay. Where? Well, that’s still unknown. More than that, the girl cannot even remember much about _herself_. What _does_ she know?

“My name is Raina.. Bastra,” she whispered to herself.

A girl of only seventeen years, born on the desert planet of Tatooine. Memories are fuzzy. There’s visions of figures she assumed must be her mother and father, though she can’t quite make out their faces. And.. a younger girl? Her sister, perhaps? She can’t be sure-- about these memories, about anything. The idea of knowing so little of herself is terrifying, frankly.

Soon, there are nurses at her side. It is clear in their eyes that they are shocked to find her awake. They inform her that she had been brought in by a kind older man in critical condition. None could be sure that she would survive and yet, here she was. One even remarks that she knew Raina was a fighter. A weak smile crossed her lips, though the gesture doesn’t quite meet her emerald eyes. They are kind words but how could she force a genuine smile when she was just so lost.

As she goes about taking her first (wobbly) steps in weeks, first shower, everything, the girl desperately hopes that her memories return. Time ticks on and on and.. nothing. Nothing but the fuzzy flashes from when she first awoke. How is it that she can forget an entire lifetime up to this moment? What trauma had she endured to damage her mind so severely? That's yet another thing she can't seem to remember-- but if the burn scars on her palms are any indication, it was quite intense. When the nurses and doctors question her, it only frustrated the young girl even more.

“No, I can’t remember anything!” she shouted. Despite her small stature, the intensity of her feelings managed to make those surrounding her jump. Her brow furrowed but she quickly brushed it off. Were they truly frightened by a teenage girl? Ridiculous. Nonetheless, the medical staff decided it was best to give her some space. Given her circumstances, the young one's frustration was understandable.

Raina soon finds out that while the old man had paid for her medical care.. that was it. When she’s finally discharged, she’s forced to fend for herself. Only seventeen and all alone in a galaxy far, far away. The small blonde exited the medbay, met with the overwhelming sight of a bright and bustling Coruscant city. Where to even begin? She could attempt to find her parents but a ship to Tatooine? That would cost a crazy amount of credits. On top of that, who knows if they’re even alive? Could the older man have been her father? Or was he someone else? Did her parents abandon her? The vast amount of possibilities caused her mind to race.

“Okay, Raina,” she whispered to herself, taking a deep breath. “You need to suck it up and figure your shit out,” she scolded, though quietly. The simple truth was that all she had now was herself. Whether she decided to find her family in the future or not, right now she needed to focus on making some credits and some kind of life for herself.

So that’s what she did. At first, she’s forced to sleep on the streets. However, the girl charmed her way through the city-- taking on various odd jobs to earn the credits necessary for a place to live. Nothing fancy, of course, but all she really needed was the basics. The more jobs she worked, the more valuable her work became. Many of them included working on various forms of machinery and the girl managed to become a decent mechanic. Over time, her dreams of one day finding the family she could hardly even remember faded away. All that mattered was the here and now. She had learned the hard way that no day is promised and she was determined to survive.

When she wasn’t working? Well, Raina managed to make some rather interesting friends. Some from different jobs, others from nights out. But eventually, she is introduced to a whole new part of Coruscant. An underground fight club of sorts. Though hesitant at first, it doesn’t take too long before she eagerly embraced the little “club.” Raina may have been small but she was fierce. And despite her lack of any formal training, there’s just something about fighting that came so natural to her.

Perhaps that’s why when the First Order advanced on the planet, she readily joined them. Raina didn’t exactly agree with them or what they did but she had already fought so hard to live, she wasn’t about to give up now. It had become quite clear to most of the galaxy that the Republic was losing. There was whispers of a Resistance but the idea of rising up against this new Empire felt like a death sentence. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, as they say.

Through wit, intelligence, fierceness, charm and strength, she managed to climb the ranks rather quickly. At the age of 23, Raina is promoted to the rank of Lieutenant. By then, she is known simply as Lieutenant Bastra. She served across various command ships before finally being stationed on the ship of the fearsome and mysterious Kylo Ren.


	2. Open your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is Co-written and produced by Me (asmolguavafruit) and m0thmansgf, we've put so much time into this idea and character building from both of our original characters. We really hope that you love reading it and enjoy the plot and the slow burn between the three characters! -Guava

(Vera's Point of View)

A click fills my ears, finally. I lift up a heavy solid piece of thick black metal, waving around in my palm testing the weight. A shiver runs of up spine as my fingertips trace over the metal, I deserve this. After all these years of throwing knives, I finally built myself a true Jedi weapon. My lightsaber, a small smile appears on my face as I roll the black hilt in my palm. After I fled Tatooine I set my course for jakku the graveyard, it wasn't much different than Tatooine just hotter and fewer resources. Once I got here I decided it would be best to set out somewhere outside the markets, the farther away from people the better. I spent so much time putting all of my energy into controlling the force inside me it was hard not to draw focus into who I was. The people and creatures of Jakku were surprisingly nosy since almost everyone here just scavenged for parts and attempted to make due.

Focusing my attention back to my hand I huffed taking my stance, grounding myself. One foot forward, knees only slightly bent, one hand out in front of me.

"Feel yourself Vera, the Force within you." I close my eyes, throwing my body in the opposite direction. Feeling the wind in my hair as I swung the hilt around, spinning without missing a beat. I felt powerful, I pressed the button that ignited my lightsaber.

"What?" What the hell? Nothing came out, where's the blade? I made it perfectly, I used every resource I could find. "Fuck!" I toss the saber to the ground and feel the ground shake from under me. In the distance I see some ships fly over toward the marketplace, a smirk appears on my face. I lick my lips in anticipation. "Must be huntin' time." I throw my gaze back at the saber stuck in the sand.

"Whatever, I'll figure you out later." I huffed and pick up my hilt, clicking it onto my belt. I wipe the sweat off my forehead as I walk back to my ship, pushing the tarp aside so that I could let myself inside. Something about jakku made the people desperate for anything that they could trade for food, so hiding my ship behind some old scraps from the war a long time ago was the best protection I'd be able to get. I sling my bag over my shoulder and throw my hood on. God, I've been itching for some fresh blood.

I throw my hands in my pockets holding my head high as I walk through the marketplace of jakku, I can feel people staring holes into me. The whispers ringing in my ears, I feel the anger bubble inside me.

"That's her, the shadow Jedi."

"Does she really murder people for sport?"

"I heard she only kills the guilty and unjust."

"That's not the Jedi way everyone knows that."

"Does anyone know where she even came from? Who she is? I've never seen her kind here before."

"She's dangerous I heard the first order is getting word about her, that's why they've been monitoring the imports more."

How dare they whisper about me while I'm right in front of them. They're lucky, the things I'd do to them if they were fugitives. I am a fugitive, but they don't know that. I despise the Jedi and the first order, they're both unjust and entitled. I roll my eyes and keep walking till I get to the richer side of the place. A harsh chill runs down my back, there we are. I turn my ear toward the left and out of the corner of my eye I see them, they're dressed in black leather traded to them by the first order. I snarl at the thought, those pompous asses think they're better than low-class creatures just because they're rich. I walk into Kaiel's pub and feel the room grow quiet.

"Vera darling, come sit!" Kaiel motions me in, her black hair braided into two of them swing behind her as she flips around and continues making drinks, I scoff as she does so. She may just be my only friend on Jakku who knows what I am. I walk down to the bar feeling the stares burn into my skin making my teeth clench. I snap my head into the direction I feel staring the strongest.

"You got a PROBLEM, peasants?" I say loudly through my teeth, feeling satisfied as most of them jump in fear and then turn away. the buzzing in my skin lessening making me feel slightly less annoyed. I finish my strut throwing my hood down smiling slightly as kaiel greets me with my drink.

"You know honey you scare about 75% of my customers off when you enter the room." Kaiel crosses her arms, I laugh for a second.

"Well, I'm sorry your customers are such pussies." I chug my drink as Kaiel motions her head to the backroom, I sit up and walk past her shutting the door behind us. "So? Where are those first-order bloodhounds stationed today?" Kaiel puts a finger to her lips, her dark colored skin shimmering with sweat.

"Baby it's not a good day today, the word is the first order has gotten tips that there was a Jedi here on Jakku. That she was the one killing their men. You need to lay low for awhile sugar, a bigger ship is coming in today."

I scoff shrugging my shoulders turning my back to Kaiel. My skin beginning to tingle, I flinch at Kaiel's hand on my shoulder. The heat only growing within my body, The first order has never scared me before and It doesn't now. "I'm serious sugar. Apparently Kylo Ren wants you dead, and he'll is supposed to be on the next ship out here-" Burning, agh my skin burns! I turn around and fling my hand out. Kaiel shoots into the air thudding as her body hits the wall.

"I will NOT be intimidated into hiding by that pathetic man Kylo Ren. The First order doesn't scare me, they're the ones shaking in their fancy leather boots at the mention of MY name." Kaiel struggles against my hold on her throat, my grip loose enough for her to breathe...barely. "How do you even know they're coming for me?" Kaiel's eyes grow wide, you feel her fear, her guilt. Practically dripping from her aura.

"...You. You tipped off the first order." My face tightens, a growl within my throat. My body burning for justice, how dare she. How dare she! I release the grip on her throat, her body falling to the ground hard. "How dare you. All I've ever done is be good to you! And you're people!" I feel my skin burning, my nails digging into my palms trembling as I try to suppress the urge to kick her teeth in. Kaiel coughs, desperately trying to regain the oxygen she lost from before.

"All you've done...is instill fear in my people. Kill the guilty, and scar the innocent with visions of blood! Murder is not the Jedi way."

(Third person POV)

Vera stalks up to Kaiel, Kaiel scrambling on her knees attempting to put distance between her and Vera. To no avail, Vera wraps her hand around Kaiel's throat putting pressure on her windpipe. "Good thing according to Jedi code. I'm not one." Vera releases her throat feeling the pub shake as the sound of the whirring of a ship fills the pub. A snarl appears on vera face, as she walks toward the door feeling hot tears run down her pale face. With one flick of her wrist, she turns away hearing a crack fill the air and a softer thud hit the floor. "I...trusted you."

Vera throws open the doors to the pub looking into the distance, she looks around watching as people scatter and run as the ship landing shakes the ground. She jumps behind a speeder hearing the screams of the innocent fill the air. "Where is the Jedi girl? Tell us what you know!" Vera watches as storm troopers crowd the people of Jakku into herds like animals, pointing blasters in their faces. "We know nothing we swear! We didn't even know a Jedi was here! Please we-"

"No! No! Don't take me away! Mommy!" Vera flinches as red streaks of light shoot out from the blasters splattering blood onto the ground, cries heard in the distance.

*Flashback*

A scream rips through the air, the sobs of a young girl fill the room. "Mommy! Wake up please! Mommy! MOMMY!" The room begins to shake, the young girl's cries growing louder as her grip to her mother's lifeless body tightens.

"What the hell is going on in her-TALIA!" A man runs up the woman, shoving the young girl to the ground and off the woman. He swoops the woman into his arms, her arms limp letting the blood drip from her wrists.

"No. no. no. no. FUCK! How will I repay the debt now!" The man turns his head slowly toward the weeping girl in the corner, dropping the woman to the ground. The young girl scrambles away pushing herself into the corner as the man grabs her wrist dragging her. Kicking and screaming as the ground still shakes slightly, the little girl becoming exhausted sobbing slowly as her father throws her into the sand.

She looks up slightly at the taller man before her, her eyes were puffy with tears. The man looks behind her. "Where's the woman."

"She's dead. That is your prize, to settle out debt."

"Hmm...Deal. What is your name child?"

"V-vera." The man throws the child over his shoulder, her screams fill the air again. "NO NO! DONT LET THEM TAKE ME! DADDY!"

*End of flashback*

"There she is!" Vera snaps out of her haze, wiping the tears from her face. She runs toward the troopers, them stumbling back in confusion. Vera kneels to the ground sweeping her leg under one of them, swiping the gun from his hand and shooting the other, then shooting the one on the ground. She gets up, looking around her for somewhere to run to but instead is met with more troopers coming around the corner.

"Blasters are too loud!" She whisper shouts to herself.

"STOP RIGHT TH-!"

Vera huffs pullings a dagger from her belt and chucking it straight into the stormtrooper's neck, listening to him gurgle on his own blood as she ran the other way. Vera turns a couple of corners in an attempt to confuse the troopers but is frozen in time as chills and tingles run up her body. Someone's using the force on her. "Fuck." She mutters through her semi-frozen state. She watches as her body floats out of the alley and right into the face of the masked demon. Dropping her to the ground, the troopers struggle to cuff her. She kicks on of them off her but freezes as a red crackle appears next to her face. She snarls "Alright alright!", she spits as she complies with the troopers restraining her. They hoist her up making her eyes wander up to the black mask, a smirk on her lips as she spits on it.

She watches as this figure towers over her. "Like what you see?" Vera spat as he stares at her, his gloved hand reaching toward his mask wiping her spit off of it and twirling it with his fingers.

"The girl I've heard so much about."

"Nope sorry, I don't fraternize with First-Order boys like you...Although you aren't built like a boy." Vera licks her lips with a seductive smirk on her face, lunging forward closer toward Kylo Ren's masked face. Kylo steps closer making Vera smile slightly burning holes into his mask.

"You know what I've come for."

"Maybe. You look tense Ren." Vera bites the air as she giggles in the restraints, giving the troopers death glares out of her peripheral vision. Kylo whips his hand to her chin squeezing hard making vera wince.

"I will not be seduced."

"Are you sure you're not already?" Vera smirks as the troopers tug her back, Kylo releasing her chin.

"Take her away, and strip her of her weapons." Kylo turns around but pauses. His hand reaches out, a snap from your belt is heard as your nonfunctional lightsaber lunges into his palm. "A lightsaber." Vera grits her teeth, anger welling up inside her. Kylo stalks away but not before saying. "Take her to the interrogation chamber. I would like to know where she got..." His hand tightens around her lightsaber seemingly looking as if he was about to crush it. But he stops. "This."

Vera spits on the floor, cursing at the troopers as they walk her onto the ship. The only question is her head now.

"How am I gonna get out of this one."

* * *

(Raina's Point of View)

This is it. Day One. Day one of serving aboard the ship of the _infamous_ Kylo Ren. I mean, it's not like I'll ever serve _him_ , nor do I have any desire to. I've heard stories about what he's done to those who have disappointed him. No way will I risk getting on that man's bad side. Anyways, I _do_ , however, have to report to General Hux. Or just Snoke's lap dog, really. But this is a step up. Only 23 and well on my way to the rank of Major. It was always jarring when others found out about my young age yet high rank.. especially being a woman (the First Order is rather sexist. But what else do you expect from such an oppressive regime?). But my military skill and strategic mind is undeniable.. or so I've heard them say. My colleagues have bugged me about it, wondering what it is that makes me so "special." I just can't explain it. I have a feeling, I tell my superiors about it, and the feeling tends to be right. The more time I spend here, the stronger it gets. I don't know how else to word it. Just a **feeling**.

Day 20. That General Hux is every bit annoying as the others warned me about. I swear, that voice is starting to seep into my nightmares. And those are already horrible enough, I don't need his shit on top of it all. But reporting directly to him, to be on this ship, it's supposed to be some great honor. I'm lucky to have gotten this far or so they say. The higher I rank, the more I see about what the First Order _really_ does. How they hurt those who have the courage to oppose them.. but I tell myself, "that could've been you. You can't allow that to be you." Better someone else than me, right? I don't let myself think about it too much but when I lie awake in my quarters, desperate for _restful_ sleep, I can't help but to think about all those people. Perhaps I'm not doing it directly but I _am_ hurting them. I'm not a stormtrooper, not a child stolen from her mother's arms and indoctrinated without a choice. I did choose. I chose to join them and I'd be lying if I said I didn't struggle with that choice. There have been times where I've wondered what I could do to escape. I never let the thought linger for too long, though.

Day 30. The nightmares are getting worse and not the ridiculous ones that include Hux's lectures. No, _those_ dreams. The ones that I haven't been able to escape from the moment I woke up in that damn medbay. It's only flashes but they're just so.. detailed. How is it that the mind can create such clear images of things you've never seen? They feel more like memories.. but they aren't mine. I may not remember much of the time before the incident but this is something else, something far too foreign. But the fire.. it _could_ explain the scars.. but no. **No** , it's not possible. Whatever this is, I'll deal with it. I've dealt with it up until this point, so what if it's a little more intense? There's gotta be something I can take to just.. take the edge off, right? Something to chase the dreams away? I guess I'll have to look into it. Maybe I'll be able to sneak away when we dock, find some sort of concoction in a market.

Day 35. I've finally seen him, Kylo Ren. The man in the mask. Or was he something else? No one has ever told me something concrete before. He's never taken it off, I've heard, at least not in front of anyone. He could be a Chiss for all I know. But I suppose that's not really the point here. The point is, even in the briefest passing, there was this **feeling**. I'm not sure if it was quite fear but it was certainly something. I didn't see any sort of falter in his stride so it's clear that whatever it was, was only felt on my part. Fair enough. Why would he spare any attention to just another nameless face among the many in this army? From what I've heard, he doesn't even bother himself with the dealings of us. What we did was Hux's concern. Kylo Ren was a Force user and it seems whatever mission he is on is far greater than what we're doing. They say the Force flows through all of us, it holds the galaxy together and if that's true, I suppose proper control of that _is_ more important than this war. Besides, if things continued as they have been, the war will be won soon. The Resistance was too small and too weak to stand any real chance against the First Order.

(Third Person POV)

Unfortunately for the young amnesiac, no amount of supposed remedies can quell the horrific scenes that haunt her in her dreams. She tosses and turns as flashes of flames play behind her eyelids. Despite drinking the entire bottle of a "sleep tonic" she'd bought in a market on a small planet she couldn't bother to remember the name of, it seems that the nightmares are even worse than they had been. This night, there are screams. She can see others in the distance, crying out in agony before all falls silent save for the crackling of the flames. Raina finds herself staring at a ceiling, unable to move as the flames crawl up the walls. In this.. world, she can feel that she's given up-- accepted the fate of dying by fire. Her eyelids begin to droop when they're once again wide open, a reaction to the sound of a young man's voice call out "No!" as there's an explosion in the distance. It's related the fire, she can tell, but it does not reach her. It falls silent again before she hears another voice. She can't quite make out what it is they're saying.. but this man, he's older. His voice is quieter, his breathing heavy, as if he had just barely escaped a struggle. The rubble around her begins to move but not before the flames lick her palms. Her scream is piercing and continues as she jerks up into a sitting position. Scarred hands reach out to touch her surroundings, make sure it's all real and she is no longer sleeping. With that confirmation, Raina breathes a sigh of relief and wipes the sweat that had accumulated on her brow.

As the grogginess of sleep fades away, her eyes widen with realization. Shaking, Raina slowly lifts her hands and turns up her palms to look over the scars that littered them. They made twisting patterns across her skin, as if they had been licked at by fire, just as they had in her dream. No.. there's no way that's what happened. Her mind had simply incorporated part of her waking life into her nightmare, spice things up. The blonde curses under her breath and in her frustration, grabs the empty tonic bottle and tosses it to the ground. The sound of shattering glass satisfies her, however briefly. With a sigh, she pushes herself up and out of bed to clean the glass from the floor, knowing that if she puts it off until morning she'll end up seriously hurting herself. When it has all been swept away, Raina remains on the floor of her quarters. She hugs her legs to her chest, leaning her chin on her knees. Her body is begging for rest but she knows that the second she closes her eyes, she'll be overwhelmed with images of the fire, the screams, the _pain_. So, she remains in that position until she hears the steady sound of footsteps and voices just beyond her door, signaling that everyone was getting up and to their duties for the day. She decides that she should too.

She can't seem shake the exhaustion and decides that maybe a cold shower will help wake her up. It immediately shocks her as she steps in and lets it wash over her. She's quick to get in and out, letting her blonde locks air dry as she lays out her uniform and prepares her schedule for the day. Finally, when that's all done, she dresses herself, pulls her hair back into a ponytail and puts on her hat. Giving herself one last look in the mirror, Raina sighs and steps out, ready to face the day.

The closer she gets to entrance of the ship, the clearer a commotion becomes. As the last doors open, she is met with an interesting scene. The mighty Kylo Ren stomps in, causing Raina to freeze in her tracks. Of course, her tracks just so happen to be smack in the middle of his path. Before he gets closer, though, emerald eyes fall upon the sight behind him. Two stormtroopers holding a young woman, leading her along. Their gazes soon lock and Raina can't help but to feel that she knows this woman.


	3. A Meeting of Fates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is Co-written and produced by Me (asmolguavafruit) and m0thmansgf, we've put so much time into this idea and character building from both of our original characters. We really hope that you love reading it and enjoy the plot and the slow burn between the three characters! -Guava

"Move," even behind a mask, his voice is booming. Raina remains frozen for another moment and the hand at his side begins to rise when she quickly steps out of his way. That feeling she felt before? This one was far more intense. She still can't figure out what it is but it is overwhelming, causes her to lose her focus. She watches as he continues past her and down the hall. The woman is brought behind him and Raina's gaze is soon drawn to her. Their eyes meet once more. She is struck by a feeling almost similar to the one she felt in the Commander's presence. There's a sense of familiarity to this woman. The lieutenant follows her with her eyes until she has completely disappeared from view. Head held high, hands clasped behind her back, she makes her way to the side of the General. She looks up at him, while his gaze remains forward.

"What was all that about?" she questions.

"None of your concern," he barks back.

Completely unintimidated, the young woman rolls her eyes. "You don't know either, do you?"

There's a beat of silence between the two. "Don't you have duties to attend to?" he finally says, the annoyance in his tone clear as day.

"I suppose," she sighs. As she walks past, she glances over, curiously hoping to catch a glance at whatever scene was going to unfold. But the group had already disappeared. The curiosity is intoxicating and she decides that her mission of the day will include a bit of snooping.

* * *

Vera's POV

Vera huffs and throws her weight around bumping into the stormtroopers making them grunt and push her away from them harshly. They come to a halt as she examines the metal door in front of her.

"Oh wow a door, how scary." A snarky scoff escapes vera's lips.

Her eyes widen as she feels the whoosh of air blow her wavy black hair back from her face, her mouth now agape slightly as the surroundings in front of her leave her speechless. The star destroyer filled with stormtroopers guarding the entrance, the window in front massive showing a display of black and blue colors and stars off in the distance, tie fighters zooming by the ship. Part of vera wants to pause this moment in time and just stare into the galaxy wishing she was here just for the view, and not because the first order wanted her dead.

"Get moving!" Vera almost gets whiplash from the push of the troopers behind her, she growls lowly. Vera walks along smiling and winking at all the officers she passes including the women, she'd never seen such beautiful women on jakku before. Mostly because most women were covered in dirt and grime, which she never favored and always made sure she herself was clean and always looked shiny and new. But one woman on jakku did catch her attention, Kaiel the dark-skinned beautiful bartender. Whom Vera had easily seduced and built a relationship with on her years on jakku. Vera confided in her finally accepted for the first time in years that she had someone to trust, that was until kaiel betrayed her. So Vera killer her, despite the pain it caused her.

Vera trudged onto the finalizer but was stopped in front of another door. She groaned. "Another door? Listen you can just kill me now if this is what it's like here."

"Quiet I said! The supreme leader has requested us to wait for his presence." Another groan from vera escapes her mouth, this time more loudly. After a couple of moments pass, vera feels a shift in the energy coming toward her. Her eyes dart to meet the black mask of Kylo Ren stalking toward her, moving past her motioning for the troopers to follow him. Vera's gaze focuses on him trying to feel the force within him, she did feel it, angry and curious. To Vera's surprise that wasn't the energy, this energy was light and airy but felt pained and thick almost like fog. The stormtrooper pushes her forward behind Ren, her disgust evident on her face. She trudged through the halls and feels this energy become thicker as she snaps her head toward a familiar face, a girl with blonde hair almost white, her emerald eyes stern until Kylo's voice booms over her fear creeping into her eyes for only a second.

A whisper slips from vera's mouth. "Raina?" She says only loud enough for her to hear.

*Flashback*

"Hey you!" A giggle comes up from behind and tackles the girl with black hair, both of their bodies roll down a dune on the sands of Tatooine.

"Raina! I told you don't sneak up on me like that." The black-haired girl giggles.

"Sorry V, you know I can't help myself when you're so lost in thought!" They both smile at each other gazing at the two suns of Tatooine.

Vera stares at Raina. "You shouldn't even be here right now, your mom would kill you if she knew you were talking to me again." Vera laughs at the blonde, a smile now on the blonde's face.

"Yeah I know but...you're my best friend. I just can't seem to stay away ya know!" Vera looks down at her feet as the first sun begins to fall below the horizon.

"Do you promise we will be best friends forever, Like in the story about the suns...always together?" Vera begins to tear up, looking up at the blonde who throws herself around the weeping young girl.

"Mhm! The suns cannot do their job without each other, you can't just have one sun duh!"

Vera sniffles slightly and scoffs happily. "Duh." Both girls holding one another as they watch the second sun set on the horizon, both feeling a whole lot better knowing at least they had each other.

*Flashback over*

"What the fuck?" Vera breathes as the blonde disappears from view. Vera hangs her head low, her spunky demeanor now contained due to her memory. Vera asks herself. 'Did she not recognize me? I don't think I've changed that much, it has been 16 years.' Vera huffs loudly as Ren leads the troopers into the interrogation room, a chair already ready to restrain her. She spits on the trooper that locks in her wrist cuffs.

"You might wanna clean that babe, I might have rabies." She giggles a bit as the trooper flinches at her words.

"Enough." Kylo booms, his gaze now upon the troopers. "Leave us." The troopers nod and walk out of the room, the metal slamming shut after they leave. Vera smiles at Kylo as he crouches in front of her, she bats her pretty hazel eyes at him.

"Aw, the mighty Kylo Ren kneeling before little old me? I'm flattered baby." She smirks at him.

"You. The girl who slaughtered many of my men, assassinated the criminals of jakku, and even-" Kylo stand up watching her grit her teeth as he begins to dig into Vera's head reaching his palm out toward her face.

"even....your own girlfriend. How interesting. You're strong with the force. The darkness I feel it within you...you've already succumbed to it. How interesting." Kylo pulls his hand away, vera breathing heavily.

She watches as Ren runs his hand under his cloak pulling out a familiar chunk of metal in his gloved palm.

"Where did you get this lightsaber, I've never seen one like this." His modulated voice booms through the zoom, his serious demeanor returning.

Vera scoffs. "I made it jackass. How else would I acquire one." Kylo grips the saber tucking it back into his cloak still looming over her. She struggles as they both stare at each other intensely, their gazes battling for dominance. Vera squints her eyes, a faint hum filling her ears.

"You're angry...angry because you think I might be more powerful than you. The force doesn't control me as it does you, Ren, you poor thing." Vera laughs a bit seeing Kylo's fists balling at these words.

"Fuck you ren she wasn't my girlfriend, just someone I seduced into bed." Vera takes a breath and spits onto the floor, her venomous gaze trying to burn holes in Kylo's mask.

"I don't submit to fetal creatures like you." She smirks as she says so. She watches as kylo turns around taking a few steps away from her.

"Oh, sweetheart I am no creature-" Vera scowls as she hears a click and hiss, ren's mask moving off of his head. Vera's mouth snarls as she watches his thick black locks fall out from his helmet, his golden eyes pierce through her soul, his pink lips pulled into a small smirk for only a second. He was gorgeous, vera thought. Kylo storms toward her wrapping his hand around Vera's throat.

"I'm a monster. As for you, my pretty little killer, you must learn when to shut your mouth if you have the desire to live. You think you're so powerful huh killer? We will see how powerful you really are." Vera sputters, gasping for air as his grip tightens around her, tears brimming her eyes. She breathes in the air filling her lungs again coughing attempting to make up for the lack of oxygen from before.

"We'll see how long you last in a fight with me my pretty little killer." Vera narrows her eyes at kylo as he clicks his helmet back into his head storming out of the room, the metal again slamming after his exit. Vera feels herself let the air from her lungs.

"...He really is just a man in a mask who would've known."

* * *

After a bit more banter, Raina parts ways with the General with a smirk on her face. Messing with him is one of the few things to bring her joy on this dreary ship. Nearly every time the two went toe-to-toe, she found a way to get under his skin. Still, he could not truly retaliate against her. She is beneath him, sure, but she has proven herself invaluable already. Whatever insight she had when it came to this war, they could not afford to lose it. So, she escapes unscathed yet again, a satisfied grin on her features as she walks away with her head held high. As she ventures down a lonely corridor, her thoughts creep up on her. First, her mind lingers back to the woman who the Commander had brought on the ship.

She knew her name. _Why_ did she know her name? There was a sense of familiarity to her but even so, Raina could not come up with a name. She could not place that woman in her mind, not anywhere. Then again, she could not really recall more than half of her life. Perhaps this woman was someone she'd come across during that lost time. It was possible, she supposes, but she is still doubtful. The way that woman had looked at her.. she should be able to remember _something_ , yet she didn't. It is confusing.. and frustrating. She hasn't felt the frustration of not being able to remember in a while. Raina had come to accept that much of her past had been lost. Despite the bad dreams that plagued her ever since, she had learned to accept it. But now there was this woman, who seems to know more about her than she does herself, and she can't help but feel that frustration build up again. It builds and builds into a burning feeling in her chest.

The Lieutenant doesn't even register where it is she's going anymore. She knows that she has duties to attend to today but they aren't that important, they can wait. She just needs to clear her head. As she walks, fingers twitch at her side and she does not notice as the metal in the walls that surround her begins to dimple in spots. There is a power that radiates off of her and she doesn't even know it. She's deep in thought, trying and failing to recall any memory of that woman before today, when she is suddenly stumbling back. Due to her inattention, she had walked directly into the fearsome Kylo Ren without even realizing it. Her emerald gaze pulls upwards slowly, fear creeping over her slowly as she finally looks up at him. Of course, she cannot make out any expression due to the mask that covered his face. Yet, she can still feel the anger that radiates off of him. He has hurt those beneath him for far less than being so idiotic as to running into him. She was a goner. Or perhaps, if he was feeling merciful, she could walk away from this encounter maimed at best. He has no idea of her supposed **value** to the Order nor would he care if he did, she thought. He is Kylo Ren and she is no one.

Unsurprisingly, she finds herself frozen in place. No amount of effort grants her the ability to move. He uses the force to effortlessly lock her in place. Moments pass and she wonders why she hasn't been sent flying into the nearest wall, ceiling, floor.. anything. Or why he hasn't closed her airway with one swift clenching of his fist. Despite the mask that covers his face, she can feel his gaze, so intense, on herself.

And in a moment, she wishes that he had done any of what she had expected. Instead, she is hit by a sudden searing pain in her head. _What_ is he doing? She clenches her jaw in an attempt to remain quiet, gaining an ever so slight tilt of his head. Curiosity. Most others would scream when met with such action. Yet here she is, desperately trying to keep her mouth shut despite the fact that he is poking and prodding at her mind. It doesn't last for long, though. There's only so much she can take before it sounds as if she's choking. It isn't his doing, though. No, because she's trying so hard not to scream, she's forgotten to breathe. Just as suddenly, the pain subsides and she is left gasping for air.

"You.."

The modulated voice makes her shudder. Again, there's this sense that someone else knows something she does not know about herself. She hates it. And she's terrified that now one of the most feared men in the galaxy seems to know a secret that she herself does not.

"Commander, I--"

Her tone is that of desperation but she's quickly cut off as he once again pushes himself into her mind. This time, she's not so good at holding herself back. It starts off low, but she begins to scream. Then, all at once, everything goes black.

It stays that way for a while. She wonders if perhaps he's killed her and the afterlife truly is just nothingness. But soon enough, images begin to play in her mind, like a dream. It felt very real, however.

It's just flashes but wow.. she swears that this has to be real.

_She can feel the wind rush past as she finds herself running in an open field. The sound of a giggle, one she recognizes as her own but younger, fills her ears. She is quickly approaching a large gap in the ground. It is far too large to jump across yet she does not slow. If she doesn't, though, she will certainly fall to her death. Raina is used to horrible nightmares that end in death, though. This will be no different, then. Except.. it is. Instead of falling, she effortlessly floats across the gap. More giggling as she looks back. There's a boy running after her but he's too far for her to make out any of his features. He's tall, that's about all she knows._

_It's black again before another scene begins. This time she is sat cross-legged in a forested area. Where she should've felt the ground beneath her, there was nothing. That's when she realizes that she is floating. How is this possible? Yet, it seems so effortless for her.. or whoever this dream version of her was. But at the sound of a male voice, she falls to the ground with a thud._

_"Hey!" she exclaims._

_Not only is her voice younger there's something about it that's.. different. It lacks the Coruscanti accent she's developed. How strange. What had Kylo Ren done to her mind to cause her to have such strange, vivid dreams? Before she's able to continue to ponder the thought, she's looking over at the male. He's closer now and she's able to make out what it is he looks like. Despite the fact that she hadn't really seen him, she knew this was the same boy from the previous memory-- no, dream. He's tall with shaggy black hair, dressed in robes of tan and brown, with a metal object clipped to his hip. He almost looks like a.. No, but that can't be. What is going on here?_

_"Not my fault you scare so easily. Come on, Bastra. My uncle's been looking for you."_

_What? Who was this boy and who was his uncle?_

Her head begins to ache from all the confusion. It's dark again but this time it remains this way for a little while. Until finally, she jolts awake with a gasp. She wants to sit straight up, the way she normally would after her usual nightmares, but she finds that she is unable to do so. In fact, she can't really move at all. Raina realizes that she is completely restrained.. to an interrogation table. She'd passed by them before, shuddering at what must happen to the poor souls who end up attached to them. Now here she is, clearly about to find out. The blonde begins to panic as her breathing becomes quick and shallow. What the hell is going on here? Without really thinking about it, she begins to fight against her binds. It's useless, of course, but she can't help herself.

Then, there's a woosh as the door opens and in walks the Commander.

"Who _are_ you?" his voice is booming. 


End file.
